Friday, August 30, 2013

SPIKE Shooter: The Review

What time is it?? It's time for Detox September, unfortunately (a term coined by my friend). I will NOT drink caffeine all of September, not a single caffeinated drop. I suppose I'll either survive withdrawal or die painfully...both very very exciting things to look forward to... NOT. But anyway, I'd had my first SPIKE Shooter energy drink, therefore I will proceed to review it in tribute to my caffeinated life that I shall leave behind me (for the most part).


Adorned with warning labels, this is truly not just ANY energy drink. Like Cocaine energy, SPIKE is on a whole new level. If you are under the age of 18, I don't recommend it. Under 15? Do you want to die?? SPIKE is not Redbull, it is not Monster, it is not Amp. SPIKE is what you get when you pull apart atoms... tremendous ENERGY with a capital Q. Bitches, this shit is for real. I love it. Here are the basics....

TASTE: Honestly, this may well be the most successful combination of caffeine and good taste. It has a similar fruity taste as compared to Monster and NOS, but with 0g of sugar it is not nearly as extreme. It is a pleasantly subtle taste, not overwhelmingly sweet. Like all things totally caffeinated, it has a bit of a bitter aftertaste, but it is by far much more subtle than the aftertaste of Cocaine energy. I have spent incredible amounts of time trying out energy drinks and if you want something that doesn't have the fake-juice taste of Amp and isn't as disappointing as those little energy shots---I totally recommend you try SPIKE Shooter. Cocaine and NOS are also very potent though, so if the most caffeine you have ever had came from a can of Amp or Redbull, I strongly suggest you work yourself up to SPIKE. We don't need you dying just yet. NOS is pretty good, Cocaine has a taste that is to be acquired or risk coughing every time you take a drink. Overall, I give SPIKE a solid 10/10 regarding taste. 



ENERGY: This is typically the make-it-or-break-it deal of the game. Energy drinks were made to provide that extra boost. Without it, can they really be energy drinks? Also, what about the crash? Some energy drinks get you wired and then hang you from the very same wire. Flying off the walls to crawling on the floor in a futile excuse for life and existence. Cocaine has a crash that can be particularly brutal, NOS has a more subtle crash, and Monster does nothing. If you crash on Monster do not try SPIKE. If you crash on Monster, maybe you should stick to multivitamins. SPIKE had no significant crash in me. Let me give you the summary. I drank it in under 10 minutes (despite the half-can at a time warning label). I went into a brief uncontrollable energy buzz, calmed down soon after, and proceeded to relish in a newfound long-lasting vitality and zest. Some hours later I was still going strong and it was not until late into the night that my buzz gradually diminished. 



I became very slightly depressed afterwards, but keep in mind that the warning label clearly suggests that people with psychiatric disorders are not encouraged to drink SPIKE. As somebody who's been categorized under Depression and Anxiety Disorder, I just drank it anyway. I don't believe in labels...for people. I do believe in the labels on the can though, so I suggest you don't be like me unless you want to have a heart attack at 45 because of high blood pressure. You'd also be avoiding caffeine addiction muscle twitches in your face that feel kind of weird.



Anyway, I give SPIKE a 10/10. I don't want to seem like somebody who goes about rating everything as a 10, because I don't, but SPIKE really is a good quality energy drink. Its size may not compare to Monster, but it sure as hell can give you more. DILUTED is not a word in the SPIKE dictionary.



ENERGY BLEND/NUTRITIONAL VALUE: Haters, be quiet. Your argument that energy drinks don't have nutritional value whatsoever is invalid. All things have nutritional value. Rocks have nutritional value...if you eat them...not really a good idea. It isn't much, some minerals and whatnot, but it's something. SPIKE has NO CARBS, NO SUGAR, and NO FAT. Wow! It almost sounds angelically healthy and wholesome, doesn't it?



BUT. Do. Not. Be. Fooled. SPIKE is no game. You're still looking at 300mg of caffeine and 1.5mg of B12 (methylcobalamin). What? 1.5mg doesn't sound like shit to you? It's 25,000% of your Daily Value. Yeah, you heard me. 25,000%.  SPIKE's energy formula blend amounts to 2,650mg. Considering many energy drinks struggle to get over 1,000mg, it's definitely something. More specifically, its the wonders of N-Acetyl-L-Tyrosine, Caffeine Anhydrous, and Yohimbine HCI. Huh? Trust me, you probably don't want to know about the complex chemicals and molecules that create your energy boost. 10/10 for everything, fucking everything!



PS. READ THE FUCKING WARNING LABELS (ESP. IF YOU'RE 16 YEARS OF AGE OR YOUNGER). The last thing we need is for some stupid little punk to go on a binge and get all energy drinks banned. If you can't handle it, you can't handle it. These energy drinks (like Cocaine and SPIKE) and hard enough to find. Parents get pissed whenever their not-so-smart 13-year-old drinks two Monsters and gets knocked out... and then they blame it on Monster? Monster has a label, the little punk didn't read it or thought he was tough. Not Monster's fault. Read the label. I make irrational decisions with energy drinks. But I always read the label. I can "man-up" to the consequences and accept that I brought them upon myself. 



So, yeah, until we meet again? (in my next post, likely about my suffering through Detox September...)

<3




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