How Do You Define Yourself?

How do you define yourself? Interestingly enough, my brother was assigned a project in which he was to define himself. Interestingly enough, it just may be the hardest thing to answer when asked. The easiest questions seem to be the most difficult to answer, but why? I mean, seriously.
How do you define yourself?
Who are you?
What do you want?
Why should I care?

I wake up every single day I wake up and know that I am not who I want to be and that I am not where I want to go. I wake up and I know that I am only going through the motions of physical existence and moving forward. I get tired of running on this metaphorical treadmill that leads me nowhere.

And what am I supposed to do in a society that preaches hypocrisy?
They tell you to define yourself and proceed to define you.
You can be whatever you want to be, as long as they approve.
You can do whatever you want to do, as long as they approve.
Who? Society.

Artwork by btomashek

I mean, think about this. When you think of abnormality, what do you think? You think of something that must be bad, irregular, strange, unknown, to be feared, malignant, unnatural. But that isn't always true. Some people have genetic abnormalities that give them advantages over others. Take, for example, somebody born with a genetic condition that gave them increased muscle capacity and inability to maintain body fat (a myostatin-related condition). So, you're looking at somebody with double the muscle and increased muscle strength. Not necessarily a bad thing, even a good thing. Now, let's say this person is a guy with big dreams to go to the Olympics. He's trained hard all his life and just wants to succeed in whatever sport he is in.

But it doesn't happen. People don't want him to play. They don't want him in the Olympics. He has a genetic disorder that gives him an "unfair advantage." They don't want him. They don't want people with "unfair advantages."

Do you see what is wrong?
What, you don't? You don't think that people with "unfair advantages" have the right to excel? You want to level the playing field? Why? Because you don't think you can beat somebody with an "unfair advantage?"

You are to define yourself amongst millions of people...without getting above any person? How? How can that be done? Somebody will always be offended by your existence, jealous of some aspect of it. Envy will exist as long as you want something, and all people want something. Maybe you want somebody's clothing, or their job, or maybe their looks, or maybe their attitude. Maybe you just want to see things they way they do.

They say envy is a bad thing, but I think otherwise. Envy can be bad, but it doesn't have to be. An excess of any good thing can be bad too, after all. A healthy amount of envy is necessary. A healthy amount of selfishness is required for life. A person cannot sell their life and soul and expect to go on living without it. Envy is a feeling, and what people don't like is really the action. Why? Because some people go about things the wrong way. They want something, they see somebody with it and either resolve to steal it from them or keep them from it since they can't have it. That is what should change. Will it? Probably not. That's just the way it works, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Some people are motivated by other people's successes, some people are not.
Some people are motivated by their own successes, some people are not.
Some people resolve to trample over anybody and anything that gets in their way.
Some people try too hard not to trample over anything or anyone that gets in their way.
Some people just don't give a fuck.

Need some motivation? Or maybe you're just bored and want something to watch. Check out this YouTube video and watch the movies Accepted, and Idiocracy. Both movies are relatively funny and not too serious, but you can get something out of them, they aren't stupid like some of the shit I've seen. It is what you make it though, right?

Also, check this post out at this LINK, whoever wrote it makes a good point that I think people should read about...because, you know, reading is good for you. Go fucking read something.

Love you <3
(Heh, of course I do, why would you think otherwise?)

SPIKE Shooter: The Review

What time is it?? It's time for Detox September, unfortunately (a term coined by my friend). I will NOT drink caffeine all of September, not a single caffeinated drop. I suppose I'll either survive withdrawal or die painfully...both very very exciting things to look forward to... NOT. But anyway, I'd had my first SPIKE Shooter energy drink, therefore I will proceed to review it in tribute to my caffeinated life that I shall leave behind me (for the most part).

Adorned with warning labels, this is truly not just ANY energy drink. Like Cocaine energy, SPIKE is on a whole new level. If you are under the age of 18, I don't recommend it. Under 15? Do you want to die?? SPIKE is not Redbull, it is not Monster, it is not Amp. SPIKE is what you get when you pull apart atoms... tremendous ENERGY with a capital Q. Bitches, this shit is for real. I love it. Here are the basics....

TASTE: Honestly, this may well be the most successful combination of caffeine and good taste. It has a similar fruity taste as compared to Monster and NOS, but with 0g of sugar it is not nearly as extreme. It is a pleasantly subtle taste, not overwhelmingly sweet. Like all things totally caffeinated, it has a bit of a bitter aftertaste, but it is by far much more subtle than the aftertaste of Cocaine energy. I have spent incredible amounts of time trying out energy drinks and if you want something that doesn't have the fake-juice taste of Amp and isn't as disappointing as those little energy shots---I totally recommend you try SPIKE Shooter. Cocaine and NOS are also very potent though, so if the most caffeine you have ever had came from a can of Amp or Redbull, I strongly suggest you work yourself up to SPIKE. We don't need you dying just yet. NOS is pretty good, Cocaine has a taste that is to be acquired or risk coughing every time you take a drink. Overall, I give SPIKE a solid 10/10 regarding taste. 

ENERGY: This is typically the make-it-or-break-it deal of the game. Energy drinks were made to provide that extra boost. Without it, can they really be energy drinks? Also, what about the crash? Some energy drinks get you wired and then hang you from the very same wire. Flying off the walls to crawling on the floor in a futile excuse for life and existence. Cocaine has a crash that can be particularly brutal, NOS has a more subtle crash, and Monster does nothing. If you crash on Monster do not try SPIKE. If you crash on Monster, maybe you should stick to multivitamins. SPIKE had no significant crash in me. Let me give you the summary. I drank it in under 10 minutes (despite the half-can at a time warning label). I went into a brief uncontrollable energy buzz, calmed down soon after, and proceeded to relish in a newfound long-lasting vitality and zest. Some hours later I was still going strong and it was not until late into the night that my buzz gradually diminished. 

I became very slightly depressed afterwards, but keep in mind that the warning label clearly suggests that people with psychiatric disorders are not encouraged to drink SPIKE. As somebody who's been categorized under Depression and Anxiety Disorder, I just drank it anyway. I don't believe in labels...for people. I do believe in the labels on the can though, so I suggest you don't be like me unless you want to have a heart attack at 45 because of high blood pressure. You'd also be avoiding caffeine addiction muscle twitches in your face that feel kind of weird.

Anyway, I give SPIKE a 10/10. I don't want to seem like somebody who goes about rating everything as a 10, because I don't, but SPIKE really is a good quality energy drink. Its size may not compare to Monster, but it sure as hell can give you more. DILUTED is not a word in the SPIKE dictionary.

ENERGY BLEND/NUTRITIONAL VALUE: Haters, be quiet. Your argument that energy drinks don't have nutritional value whatsoever is invalid. All things have nutritional value. Rocks have nutritional value...if you eat them...not really a good idea. It isn't much, some minerals and whatnot, but it's something. SPIKE has NO CARBS, NO SUGAR, and NO FAT. Wow! It almost sounds angelically healthy and wholesome, doesn't it?

BUT. Do. Not. Be. Fooled. SPIKE is no game. You're still looking at 300mg of caffeine and 1.5mg of B12 (methylcobalamin). What? 1.5mg doesn't sound like shit to you? It's 25,000% of your Daily Value. Yeah, you heard me. 25,000%.  SPIKE's energy formula blend amounts to 2,650mg. Considering many energy drinks struggle to get over 1,000mg, it's definitely something. More specifically, its the wonders of N-Acetyl-L-Tyrosine, Caffeine Anhydrous, and Yohimbine HCI. Huh? Trust me, you probably don't want to know about the complex chemicals and molecules that create your energy boost. 10/10 for everything, fucking everything!

PS. READ THE FUCKING WARNING LABELS (ESP. IF YOU'RE 16 YEARS OF AGE OR YOUNGER). The last thing we need is for some stupid little punk to go on a binge and get all energy drinks banned. If you can't handle it, you can't handle it. These energy drinks (like Cocaine and SPIKE) and hard enough to find. Parents get pissed whenever their not-so-smart 13-year-old drinks two Monsters and gets knocked out... and then they blame it on Monster? Monster has a label, the little punk didn't read it or thought he was tough. Not Monster's fault. Read the label. I make irrational decisions with energy drinks. But I always read the label. I can "man-up" to the consequences and accept that I brought them upon myself. 

So, yeah, until we meet again? (in my next post, likely about my suffering through Detox September...)

<3

DNR: Do Not Resuscitate

Earlier today I was on Facebook (Yes, I was on Facebook. My home under a rock has good wifi) and I saw that somebody had shared a very interesting article by Ken Murray, MD. You can find the article at this link: Just click here! It would be awesome if you read it before continuing, so that you can understand where I'm coming from. It's about how doctors die. Obviously, they die. They aren't immortal. But the thing about doctors is that they tend to refuse treatment if they are dying. Terminal illness that you may survive from in bad conditions with painful, harmful treatment? Nope, rather go home, take painkillers, and spend time with the family and friends until the last day.

It's almost heroic in a way, or at least beautiful in a tragic sense because it's such a natural way to go. A lot of medical staff wear medallions expressing that they do not want to be resuscitated in case their heart stops. You can fill out a DNR form to make it official too, though the system doesn't always go with your wishes. Paramedics are required to do CPR upon arrival, so the DNR doesn't always count. So, you might be like "What the hell? Why wouldn't you want to receive CPR??"

The thing about CPR is that television lies. It's that simple. In movies you see somebody flatline and then they get CPR for like 5 minutes and the are brought back and an hour later they are good as new and ready to go. 

What? No? It's not like that? Maybe you should check out this link.

It's not. CPR involves a strong pressure, and if done correctly, you usually end up with broken ribs. Imagine it this way. Oh my, you've flatlined for ____ reason, 911 is called, the paramedics arrive and haul you into the ambulance. Then they do CPR and give you an IV to transfer meds to you (you know, like painkillers for those broken ribs, the punctured lung, and the damaged heart) until you make it to the hospital and they can hook you up to the real deal of medical machinery and life support if you're that far gone. 'Cause you know, your final moments should be like that.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying CPR and life support are total BS and everybody has died and you shouldn't do it. It's totally your choice. CPR works, if you're young and fit why shouldn't it? But let's say you're not young, you're well past your prime, and you aren't so fit anymore. How well do you think you would stand up against broken ribs and punctured lungs? Don't exaggerate either, Hercules. 

Would your grandmother hold up to heavy CPR compressions, intubation, or defribillation? I don't know, but I'd rather let them go if it is their time to go. My own mother has explicitly told me that she does not want to be on life support and would rather it be unplugged if that situation ever came around.  She said to me, "pray that I get better, whether or not that means I live or die is up to God. If I am meant to live I will not need to be on the machine" I'd rather not think that that will ever happen, but if it does I will respect her wishes. 

You know, people in hospices tend to live longer than people who have the same illness receiving every treatment possible. Guess who's also happier? Hospice patients. Guess who died with all their family and friends around them? Hospice patients. You know they don't like to let you see the patient in hospitals. The doctors... they just try so hard to bring people back. It's not even their fault, they live under a system that requires them to do just that. Bringing up the DNR order topic to a patient's family probably comes off as an insult, something completely incomprehensible. 

I'm not trying to be the morbid person here, I just think going gently is better than being crushed, cut open, and hooked up, and possibly dying anyway. 

So you can bet that I will eventually fill out that DNR order, and maybe even follow some people who've gotten it inked.

Hopefully now, you see where I'm coming from. You don't have to agree, you don't have to like it, but understanding is never a bad thing. 

At some point you just need to come to the realization that everybody around you has a story of their own, everybody has their own unique set of scars that you know nothing about.

And with that I'll conclude my post. 

Hasta luego!

<3

Banksy: Real Graffiti

I am often surprised by how many people seek to be happy, or rich, or healthy. They tend to be people who want to be solely happy, solely rich, and solely healthy. It's a very common idea, so it may come as a surprise that I want to gain happiness, wealth, and health through sadness, poorness, and sickness. How am I to know if I am happy if I have never been sad? It's basically my theory about how to approach situations.

So, anyway. What to talk about? Maybe you know Banksy? Chances are you don't know him personally, but maybe you know his art. I like to think that Banksy is some unknown individual (and he is) that secretly goes around spraying meaningful graffiti on walls (and he does). I like to see him as some hidden individual that can observe society for what it is. Take a look at some of his work for yourself.

What do you think it means? It'll mean something different to each person, but nobody can deny that it is a strong message. And the truth is, I particularly love that last image. Graffiti is illegal for a reason, because ideas can be dangerous. Sounds too Communist for you? Well, what do dead-beat drunks and people who refuse to do anything do? Nothing. Who pays for their welfare, their food stamps? You do.

Now, art tours are inspired by Banksy's work and people flock to see his graffiti. I like to hope that it is because they are coming to a realization of what reality looks like. I don't approve of ignorance. Optimism is good, being positive is good for you, but not at the cost of knowledge, insight, and understanding. People must thrive to make better decisions because they know how bad things were, are, and can be. You need all the information you can get, so you shouldn't cut yourself off at only what you want to know.

"If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission"

Take notes? Well, it's no surprise that I love Banksy. He has an eye for the truth and isn't afraid of stepping outside of society and the law to show it. Hopefully, you got something out of this. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. But the fact that you know changes things, even if that change is not to change.

So, something for fun~

Cyanide and Happiness is so amusing to me.

I've officially lost circulation in my arm from lying on the floor, so farewell, I am off to regain my circulatory system's balance. <3

Get SPIKED!

I'm so excited! I just ordered some SPIKE Shooter! Some what?? Seriously? Okay, let's rewind. I like energy drinks. Some people say I have a problem. They are probably right, seeing as I can look past my laptop screen to see 25+ assorted energy drinks. But here's what makes me different. For one, I don't like they fake fruity taste of your typical Amp. In fact, I tend to settle with NOS and Cocaine energy instead. The badder the better. And I just found SPIKE Shooter, a still more powerful energy drink, with 300mg of caffeine. Redbull and Monster are ashamed.

I had to order a box because it's apparently banned from 7-Eleven or something and I can't find it anywhere. Same with Cocaine energy drinks. I am so glad they are sold so close to my house. And now I shall wait anxiously for my new drinks. I've never tried a SPIKE Shooter and cannot wait! 

Maybe you're horrified by now, who knows. I realize that my extreme-ness in energy drink consumption is pretty bad (though I actually kind of quit during the summer!). But let me put it this way. I can quit caffeine, I have...like a million times. Withdrawal is a bitch, man.

Don't you just hate that, when you change for the better... and then you just screw it up? Maybe you went on a healthy diet that consisted of more than just pizza, Burger King, and McDonald's... and it went on long enough for you to feel a sense of accomplishment...and then, led by some unknown impulse, you messed it all up? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

It's frustrating being impulsive, and being frustrated makes me more impulsive. It's a very nice self-destructive cycle. Rainbows and ponies included. Well, maybe not ponies. 

Also, I'm come to the conclusion that the image below is ultimately what I believe to be the best summary of tips for enjoying life. It's the fucking truth.

But the interesting thing is that the "easiest" things always turn out to be the most difficult. Be yourself? Not many people actually want to be themselves. Some want to be themselves but aren't for some reason. People don't ask for help, they don't like to. Networking? Ugh, sounds like it takes effort. Speaking up? Anyone? No? *silence* Nobody wants to speak up or, for some reason, they just don't. And who am I to judge anyway? I'm not myself all the time. I don't ask for help. No networking. No speaking up much either. I'm certainly not setting an example. But it would work, you know. It wouldn't make your life perfect, but you'd be more flexible and resilient, and happy. Oh my, what is this Happiness you speak of?? You get it.

Stubble, You Know You Like It

I'm starting to get tired of sneezing. Each sneeze lowers my overall energy level by 15% and I'm afraid I might die once I get far enough into the negative numbers. 

But anyway, I recently ordered a book from Barnes & Noble (I love them because of their idea that Starbucks goes great with books...and it does!). I ordered George R. Stewart's Earth Abides, a realistic (and incredibly well-written, I've been told), award-winning post-apocalyptic classic. I have just started reading it, so I'll not try and form a premature opinion. 

Aside from that, I've also been busy with the whole college application process. I am so torn between career possibilities...I mean, I'm an artist and expected to pursue the arts...but I like clinical psychology and medicine. I don't like eliminating possibilities when I don't even know what they are like. I mean, what if I like neuroscience, or media communications, or business marketing, or graphic design, or biomimicry? Everything sounds so great and fascinating. Do I really have to pick just one thing and stick to it? I'd like to get a degree, but I'd also like to dwell in tattooing a bit, just for the heck of it. I guess it helps that I have time. Though I really don't also, degrees don't happen overnight, after all.

I love watching House. I like to think there are people who just go against the norm like Dr. House. I mean, sure, he's kind of mean, but he's usually has a point and does his job well. Real doctors don't even interest me in the most vague of ways. I also like watching Bones, but that's because I love Temperance, or "Bones." She's awesome. So is Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres. They're awesome too. And Garcia in Criminal Minds, along with Reid, Morgan, "Hotch," and Rossi... and well, everybody. Also have a taste for Without a Trace and Cold Case. Gotta love Lily Rush. Honestly, I just watch a variety of things. I don't watch Jersey Shore or anything else that I deem mindless beyond comprehension. I want to have to think, and not in a superficial way either. I suppose that's why I watch a lot of crime/medical/supernatural-related, mystery-like shows. Teen Wolf is pretty good though, or in other words, Derek Hale is really good.

Derek Hale, Teen Wolf

Don't lie, you know he's good too. But that does bring up the question: Since I am, to some extent, attracted to the sexy hot guys in a TV show, how come I still don't watch certain shows, like Pretty Little Liars?

Hmm. I guess it has a lot to do with drama. I don't do drama. It's fine if there is enough action and deep dark supernatural secrets to be discovered. But if it's just some bitches and their guys and relationships and cheating and bitching and just a little killing/poisoning, and family affairs.... eh. No fun. Some superficial drama and killing and shirtless guys and scars and tattoos and more killing and monsters... much better. That's why I like Supernatural, I love Dean, and am somewhat annoyed with Sammy, though his looks make up for it. I still like Dean better. He looks rough. I like rough. Heheh. Maybe I just have a thing for stubble. I'm just starting to realize this. o.O Oh my.  Even House xD Damn.

Dean Winchester, Supernatural

There must be some psychology at work here! Why am I attracted to guys with light stubble or light beards?? Haha. No idea. I guess it shows maturity, and maybe a hint of aggression. *wink wink*  Oh, man, that's amusing. Interestingly enough, clean-shaven is always better for kissing. Figures, eh?

Caleb Lane

Ah man, they all have stubble, it really is a thing. Mhm, so guys, take note! Just please don't get a full beard unless that really is you being totally yourself. Don't be somebody you aren't, just saying. 

Well, I'm off to read Earth Abides. I'm an incredibly fast reader (700 pages a day is my record so far) so I'll probably write a review about it later or sometime very soon if I get lazy. Remember, in case of zombie apocalypse, break the glass.

<3 Later!

Creative Functionality

So, since I'm sick, I've been doing a lot of reading (and lying around in semi-consciousness and sneezing my lungs to bits) and as I went through some articles on PsychologyToday I came across a lot of interesting ideas. For instance, creativity may be fueled by rejection. So, let me explain. Get a stereotypical image of high school and what do you see? Jocks and athletes to one side, sexy cheerleaders at hand. Average students clustered in groups, racially self-segregated to some extent. Outcasted "nerds" and misfits in another group, quieter than most. Artists and daydreamers and possibly drug-addicts in another group, just observing or thinking. The stereotypical image enforces the idea that creativity is brought on by rejection. Artists and 4-dimensional thinking drug addicts and daydreamers... all very creative individuals. But all outcasts. Nerds, geeks, and misfits... also creative. Also outcasts. Could it be because they are rejected, or vice versa, they are rejected because of it? Maybe both?

Other studies have been done on a different theory, more focused on the brain. According to some, creativity is a product of two usually separate brain networks working and functioning together. There's your "sleep" mode, like dreams, and your "awake" mode, when you're at work. And when they are together you get what? Daydreams! Or schizophrenia. The two brain networks don't usually work together, since it could compromise your perception of reality... but sometimes, they work fantastically and you get Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. Fascinating stuff. Now, if only I could be a bit more on the functional side....

<3

Psychotic Rage

Everybody knows somebody who can't seem to control their anger. C'mon, it's true, we are an angry people. I am. Well, rarely. But still. Very. Very. Angry. There are people who are pissed off 80% of the time, 20% of the time.... Everybody gets mad at some point. But everybody gets angry differently, I've noticed. Some people mutter profanities under their breath and let their anger simmer beneath their skin. Other people physically lash out on impulse, likely punching whoever gets in their way. Yet others lash out emotionally, which can be impulsive or planned... hurtful words, or some vengeful scheme to get back at someone. Some people take anger towards others and amplify it internally, basically coming to hate themselves. And then there are people like me, people who don't seem to feel anger at all... but one wrong word and they snap, all of that composure and self-control, lost within seconds. Surprise, surprise! 

But it happens, right? Why even bring it up? Well, today it so happened that I got very angry, and I noticed some things I didn't quite understand. For one, when I get angry I don't get mad, I get destructive-psychotic-manic-rage angry...rip-shelves-from-walls angry...punch-fists-through-the-walls-and-windows angry. You get the point. But anyway....

I noticed that every time I get incredibly angry I get very nauseous, so much that I have to hold back from just throwing up all over the place. Ew. What the hell? My vision blurs and it takes forever to go back to normal (it still hasn't and it's been like 5 hours), not that I see all that well to begin with. I wear corrective lenses for a reason. So I did research, mainly consisting of typing it into Google and clicking on the first few links of the results. 

Anger, directly associated with stress and arousal, triggers the "fight or flight" response. The eyes become dilated (causing blurry vision) or constricted. The digestive process stops, so you either throw up or get a burning sensation in your stomach (due to elevated levels of stomach acid trying to speed things along). You're beginning to be prepared to fight for your life if need be, something better done on an empty stomach. Pain signals to your brain get cut off, the probable reason people in fights take so many blows without seeming to feel anything. Adrenaline starts pumping, your heart starts racing, and your blood pressure goes up... likely the cause of the "pounding in your ears" when you're angry or upset. 

Unfortunately, the angrier you get, the worse the crash will be. You end up with a killer headache and no good decisions. So much for effective fighting skills. Well, that is all for now. I have a headache, but I am finally exhausted enough to sleep for a bit, a truly rare joy. 

Goodnight <3

Peace out