The Human Experience

Seeing as tomorrow is Self-Injury Awareness Day, I thought it would only be right for me to dedicate a post to it. I'm not the best, or the worst, of people and I've had my share of good times and bad times... occasionally not being able to tell the difference anymore. Tomorrow will be March 1st, 2013, a single day from our long 365-day year. I think it isn't too much to ask that we keep self-harmers/cutters and the people close to them in our hearts. I think that sometimes we need to be reminded of how frail life is and how beautiful it can be.

We have to learn from our pain, grow from it. Honestly, I think it may be the only way to truly make progress, not to be morbid or pessimistic. I've come to realize that after recovering from significant desolation... the world is much more beautiful than one can imagine. Suddenly, everything is in full color and all I can think is... why isn't everybody overjoyed with this one-of-a-kind experience?? So, I ask you... is it so hard to believe that there can be no beauty without pain, no happiness without pain?

I read this book once, Dahlia's Gone by Katie Estill... it's a good book, sure, but it also has so much meaning and truth.

It isn't everyday you come upon a book like that. To sum it up, the lives of three women are joined through the murder of a daughter. Their lives are consumed, tearing them apart, only to be reunited by the disheartening truth of justice. You might be asking yourself how the heck it is possible to be inspired by murder and crime and tragedy, but I can explain. I find meaning in the novel through the fact that no matter how badly things get for the characters, things still manage to look up in the end. Obviously, the murdered character did not come back to life and much struggle remained, but there is that moment in which you feel everything is going to be alright regardless of everything else. It's about being able to find the ability to smile through your own tears.

I think it's important that people know of this, that they know how beautiful recovery is. But don't get me wrong, I didn't wake up one day and find myself in a perfect parallel world or anything. I just woke up to the sound of rain against the windows and realized that everything was so incredibly beautiful. The grass, the secluded streets... everything. For a second, all of the problems in my life became manageable... even forgotten. There is no absolute pain, no pain so harsh that life and existence is void. There is pain so agonizing that we mistakenly perceive it as being absolute though. It isn't easy to see the brighter side of things if you've fallen so deep into the shadows. It isn't easy being happy, pretending to be happy, or even being simply sociable at times. Sometimes, it's just so hard to exist. 

You have to know the difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. There is a difference between LONELINESS and SOLITUDE. There is a difference between what YOU see and what I see. BUT...there is no difference between WHAT I am and WHAT you are. HUMAN.

I don't claim to know everything, or that I will ever even get close. I don't claim to be the best person, the nicest, or even the most genuine at times. But everybody has flaws, and those flaws make us unique. Tomorrow isn't just a day for self-injury awareness... it's a day for human awareness... for acknowledging the pain of somebody other than yourself... for extending a hand to somebody... for simply acknowledging their existence and valuing their worth as human equals. It is about time we put down our phones, looked up from our laptops, and realized that there are PEOPLE around you. There is life all around you if you bother to look.

Every book is the sweat and tears of an author, a glimpse into a different world, and a message. People don't go through the frustration of writing good books for the heck of it. Each plant, each tree, each form of life is a delicately balanced life form in a frail ecosystem. Human beings. We are not machines meant to sit around all day, living a life of nothingness, interacting in the most meaningless of ways... we are human beings. Tomorrow is March 1st, 2013... Self-Injury Awareness day. To me, it is a chance to represent an idea much bigger than myself, it is the chance to represent humanity at its best... a chance to represent the value of the human experience.

Tomorrow is March 1st, 2013. Self-Injury Awareness Day.

I've just told you what it is to me.

What is it to you?

Addicted

I have no idea why I'm awake early on a Saturday morning, but I am, so I may as well write. What could I possibly write about? Hmm, well the only thing on my mind right now is that I need more Advil and that's it's way too quiet.
So, I guess I'll write about addictions. No, idea how I got that topic, but I bet it's because I wouldn't mind drinking until I fell back to sleep.

So, what the hell is an addiction?

Well, the dictionary says: the fact of condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. That is very unhelpful.

My definition is that addiction is a condition of being addicted (dependent) on something to the point that you can't function totally fine.

Now, why should I care about anybody with an addiction? It's their fault isn't it? 

Let me tell you something about me. I am the kind of person who trades one bad habit for another. I realize that it's kind of my fault, but I could never tell you how it starts. It's not like an on/off switch.. where you're either have an addiction or you don't. I never knew I was addicted to anything until it got so bad other people would have to intervene or tell me. Why do you think people who have addictions don't think they have addictions? Some are in denial and others really just never saw it hit them.
Maybe it is their fault for having had tried it even once, but you can't blame everything on an error of judgment. People don't get high thinking "Let's get addicted!" Nobody thinks about addiction while they down that last shot of tequila while desperately trying to forget a failed relationship.
Nobody thinks about addiction. You know why?
'Cause nobody ever sees it happening to them.

And that mindset applies to other things too. Like, nobody thinks their child will cancer, or that their new wife will be  killed in a car accident, or that they'll get some rare disease nobody has ever heard about. Nobody thinks it could happen to them. So, when it does it takes everybody by surprise.

Also, the way I see it, people can get addicted to anything... as long as it hinders their ability to function normally. So, unless your Internet addiction is keeping you from eating from day to day, or basically doing ANYTHING at all from day to day, you're not addicted.

Now, I just wish I knew the ultimate solution to addiction, but I don't. There are so many factors involved. In the end, the only sure-fire way not to get addicted to something is not to try it, and the only way to get rid of an addiction is to stop. Just like in the end of the day the only way to lose weight in a healthy way is to eat healthy and exercise. There's no avoiding it. But willpower also plays a part. You have to WANT to get out of an addiction, you have to WANT it so fucking much. 

But why should you want to? I mean, the factors are real enough. Maybe your friends want you to do drugs or something... why risk losing that acceptance, those friendships, and that sense of belonging? Maybe your life simply sucks, and it takes the pain away. Maybe... if you could just hide it.. but you can't. Eventually, they all find out. So, simple. Maybe everybody's doing it, even your parents... so it's alright.. right?

But let me tell you something. Not once, not even once, did something truly good happen solely because of an addiction. I never discovered the meaning of life in a high, nor did I realize something truly meaningful about anything. All i ever realized is that it surrounds you with pain... not necessarily your own either. Suddenly, the people you care about the most are the ones that you can't help but keep hurting over and over again. They become the subjects of your angry outbursts and suddenly, you seem to be saying the most hurtful things ever to everybody. Why? Because you feel like shit and now everybody hurts.

Then everybody starts to leave, because you aren't getting better and you don't want to. They simply get tired of you. Then, the people you cared about most, they are all gone... and you get stuck with this empty feeling that no number of times you get high or drunk or anything can make you forget.

So, tell me... why WOULDN'T you want to get rid of an addiction?