Sometimes, I wonder why people tell you that you have so much potential. They say things like, "Wow, you are so talented, you have so much potential!" and whatnot. And I wonder... is it a good thing? Does it mean anything? Everybody has potential, you see. From the moment they are born and they take that first breath, they have potential. Potential to be a doctor someday, a biochemist, a genius, a good friend, a criminal, a firefighter, a killer.... Everybody has potential, whether for good or bad. But to me, telling somebody that they have potential is like giving them an unreachable standard. Suddenly, algebra is not adequate, calculus is required. But life is full of requirements, so why should it change anything? Well, you see, there will always be people like me. People who overanalyze the situation, who think to much, who don't sleep... people who could do better... but for some reason just don't. It frustrates me sometimes that people look at me as if I'm going to grow up to be somebody really important, somebody with an abundance of talent and skill and success. They look at me like that because I have all this POTENTIAL. So.. what happens if I don't add up to all of this? What happens then?
You see, I don't think pointing out the obvious, potential, is doing anybody any favors. Nowadays, everybody is screwed over, not so much by each other as by themselves. Yeah, everybody can be better, everybody can improve... they have that potential. But how is it nice or even just considerate to go about like "Great job! You can do better?" Imagine putting your sweat and tears into a task just to have somebody tell you "you can do better" afterwards. Just no matter what "you can do better." You'd probably get pissed after a while. There's only so much inadequacy that a person can feel, after all. And who's to tell you that you are inadequate anyway? Nobody is reaching their full potential, it's just like perfection, always just a bit aways.
But maybe I'm wrong. It's possible. I mean, people do think I'm just a little bit crazy. They say it's a "good" crazy, whatever that means. But I guess I'm just weird. Not crazy, but all over the place. Euphoria one second, depression the next. Rage and anger, then contentment. Anxious, then over-confident. Yet I have all this potential. How does that work? I'm stubborn and don't like change all that much, yet people expect me to be a great success? I'd probably get a panic attack learning to drive (something I should have learned like 4 years ago), yet people see success.... I'm starting to think potential isn't all that much of a realistic goal. It includes too much. Potential extends far beyond to include too much. Everybody has the potential to be as intelligent as Einstein... but not everybody is there. If we have so much damn potential, then why isn't world hunger solved? Why isn't the economy prospering like some heavenly paradise of wealth and happiness? Why aren't we innovating? Creating? Fixing? Curing? I would think a world of potential would be making a lot more progress than this.
Maybe we're just seeing this all wrong. Expectation aren't all that bad. Potential isn't all that bad. Nothing is all that bad. But it should be regulated. Too many expectations isn't all that good, and neither is having too few. Progress would be encouraged, not expected. Nowadays, the world runs on instant-this and instant-that, instant information, the Internet. People get frustrated with a 1 minute download. A minute. One fucking minute. Is that really all that much? You've been alive for quite a number of minutes. Each hour has sixty minutes, each minute sixty seconds. Each day 24 hours. And one minute is apparently just too much. I went to Illinois once, visiting family. Basically, I had no technology with me, other than my iPod. I believe I didn't have a phone yet, or maybe it was broken, but I didn't have it. But for that time, I literally went days without updating my Facebook status. I went days without checking my email. I went days without television. And honestly, those were some pretty good days. I didn't give a fuck about the Internet. I could've watched movies, but altogether, I only watched one. I was honestly content without all of this stuff that everybody so desperately "needs." I didn't get on Tumblr, I don't even have a Tumblr. I didn't blog, this blog didn't even exist yet. The sheer thought of blogging had not even crossed my mind before.
I ate real food and I actually slept throughout the night and woke up feeling like a million bucks. I don't know all of the answers, I don't even have all of the right questions. But we're losing something. It makes me feel so ridiculously old to talk like that, like I'm a million years old and I've witnessed the generations throughout the years. But it's true, we're losing something. Maybe we're becoming desensitized to our own lives and surroundings, maybe we're becoming apathetic, ignorant, stupid, careless, lazy...etc. I don't know, maybe it's a combination of all of that. But we're all losing something, and it becomes more and more apparent in each new generation. It's kind of crazy that I'm seeing this. Shouldn't I be another generational screw-up? I shouldn't think so much, I'm starting to feel that I've already lived and I'm ready to go now. I'll be 18 soon. The age at which I magically transition into being an "adult." Yay, I can't wait to get insurances, pay off bills and mortgages, pay off college, pay taxes. Man, it even costs money to die. It's kind of funny. Having a baby in the United States costs thousands of dollars. I wasn't born in the US, I was only $150. Makes me wonder where those thousands of dollars go. I mean, what the heck did that doctor do? Farmers monitor animals giving birth and I'm sure it didn't cost them thousands of dollars in effort. The only one who is putting forward that kind of effort is the mother!
That's life, huh? It costs hundreds of dollars to go to a doctor to have them tell you nothing is wrong with you after a 10 minute examination and a 3-hour wait in the waiting room, a room that only held two other people even. It's no wonder my mother always says, "Here, in the US, you can be dying and they turn you away like nothing." In Mexico, if you pay they treat you. But also, in Mexico they are not afraid to treat you. In the US, I imagine the doctors are very afraid. Any small mistake and they end up in court. They get sued for the death of people who died of old age I bet. People here, they can never accept that it may have been that person's time to go. In Mexico, that what they say. "It was their time." But don't get me wrong. They don't do everything right in Mexico, quite obviously. You can get gunned down and nobody will be a witness. Suddenly, nobody saw anything. Your neighbor could be a murderer and everybody knows... but as soon as you ask them, no idea. They'll walk away from injustice like it's ohkay, while here in the US, people overreact and think EVERYTHING is an injustice.
But that's life, for better and worse.
PEACE OUT, mis hermanos!
