Happiness in a Bottle, Drawings, and a Kitten

Well, I've been drawing. But for the most part I've been wasting my life, which I do often. But for somebody who wastes their time, procrastinates, and lacks motivation, I still manage to be on track fairly well, getting (most) of my schoolwork done and occasionally interacting with fellow human beings.

Sketch #1

Sketch #2

See? I drew stuff, I was somewhat productive!
Well, that's just an update (sort of) 'bout my artistic life. Well, I have to say, I do have larger, more awesome, drawings that I could sell. I occasionally sell my work, but typically it gets whisked away by my school and submitted into exhibitions, where it stays for months (and even years) at a time. They become entries in competitions and whatnot and must be kept safely at school. But hopefully, seeing as I have so much damn time to use, I'll draw a few pieces to sell.

For a real update about me, which should not concern you, is well, I'm actually considering anti-depressants (Oh god). I mean, I don't like the idea of taking something that is chemically engineered to mess with my head.

But I always have my moments, when everything is so dark and desolate that life (and even reality) become painfully surreal. It's times like those that push me too far to the edge. But the think is, it's not like I feel like that every six months or so, it's a maddeningly frequent experience, as in everyday for part of the day or most of the week.

Like, seriously, if my day was an emotional forecast it would be something like: Optimistic morning with a chance of suicidal, anger, or empty bleakness and sarcasm. I figured it's only a matter of time before I do something really stupid (something I always manage to do).

But maybe it would be better, you know? Just take a pill and suddenly you feel better, confident, in destructively awesome! Sounds good, no? But I'm an artist, therefore I worry about my creative genius. I wouldn't want to mess that up by being happy, now would I? It just seems like I need it sometimes, 'cause honestly I think I'm going to graduate, freak out, and off myself in an overly unnecessary downward spiral of events.

Also, I don't want to fuel an economy that thrives on a cycle of depressed and anxious people. It would suck if I became trapped in the system, doomed to getting therapy and meds forever. What's the deal anyway? Therapy costs a lot of money, and honestly, I don't feel that money is getting put to any good use. I don't have meaningful conversations that prompt life-changing goals and hope with my therapist. All I do is fake a genuine conversation. It's not that hard, you learn how by talking to people you don't really like. You just say a bunch of shit that everybody else says or agrees to.

But on a lighter note, here's a kitty!

It is an awesome kitty. I wish it was my kitty, 'cause it's just so damn cute.

Peace out.